CASA Newsletter
February 2010

20 Reasons Why She Stays, Pt.3
A Guide for Those Who Want to Help Battered Women
By Susan G.S. McGee

In September 2009, CASA began publishing installments of a powerful and comprehensive article on domestic violence by Susan G.S. McGee.  Because of this newletter's e-mail format, we are not including the footnotes - a vital and incisive part of the article.  We are, however, providing the text of the entire 20-part article, with footnotes, in PDF format, here.  We will continue to provide the complete text with each segment of the article as it is presented in CASA’s monthly e-newsletters.


Part III. Some battered women are held prisoner in their own homes. Assailants use psychological terrorism and brainwashing techniques to keep them in the violent relationship.

 Take a look at the "Stockholm Syndrome", often used as an explanatory model by law enforcement. The hostages identify with, become attached to, and take the side of their captors.  Studies have found that members of the following groups have suffered  from the “Stockholm Syndrome” --  concentration camp survivors; prisoners of war; physically and/or emotionally abused children; battered women; civilians in Chinese Communist prisons; cult members; women and youth trapped in prostitution, women and youth trafficked internationally. The Stockholm Syndrome is valuable in describing the systematic methods used to break down the victims' will to resist and bring them under control. It is also valuable in explaining how the responses of those who are victimized ---- which may seem incomprehensible -- become easily understandable survival reactions in life-threatening, abusive situations.

Emotional abuse occurs in virtually all relationships where physical violence exists. The assailant will use extremely derogatory, often sexually explicit epithets tailored to the vulnerabilities of the survivor. He will employ knowledge gained in an intimate relationship to attack the woman's spirit and sense of her own value. This constant barrage of verbal abuse wears down the woman's resistance, making it more difficult for her to leave.

Psychological terrorism goes far beyond name-calling and vicious verbal attacks. It may involve withholding food and water, sleep deprivation, withholding medication, administering drugs and medication, total isolation, degradation, “gaslighting,” Russian Roulette, demonstrations that the batterer is “all powerful,” occasional reinforcements for compliant behavior, and frustrating any attempts at non-compliance.

Rape, sexual abuse and sexual humiliation are routine in battering relationships. This is another tactic habitually practiced by hostage takers and those who run concentration camps. Because sexuality is such a potentially intimate and sacred experience, sexual abuse and domination are particularly degrading to the spirit and weaken the capacity to resist.
 

Torture and murder of pets - particularly those special to the woman or to children - is also common.  The assailant often deliberately destroys property (particularly pictures or objects belonging to the survivor’s family) that has immense intrinsic value to his victim. Again, the assailant wields these weapons to demonstrate his control and her powerlessness. (See also Judith Hermann's outstanding book Trauma and Recovery for further information about trauma victims.)  In her book Getting Free Ginny NiCarthy includes a chart and several pages of description that compares survivors of domestic violence to victims of brainwashing.

Extortion.  When I can’t really understand what’s holding a survivor in a battering relationship, I often find that the assailant is holding damaging information over her head. This extortion takes all kinds of forms. He can threaten to report wrongdoing or criminal behavior to child welfare, welfare, the Internal Revenue Service or the Immigration and Naturalization Service. He will threaten a police report. Sometimes her behavior is not criminal at all, but would humiliate or embarrass her. Assailants have been known to videotape sex acts, particularly those that are especially problematic for the survivor and threaten to mail copies to parents, friends, employers, etc. He might threaten to disclose an abortion, or an episode of infidelity, etc. If he or she is in a same gender relationship, s/he might threaten to “out” their partner/spouse.

Susan McGee is a veteran community activist, advocate, connsultant, trainer and author. For many years she was the director of a battered women's shelter in southeastern Michigan. She now works as a consultant doing grant writing and training (mostly on violence against women, racism, and homophobia) and teaches community organizing at Humboldt State University. She lives near the Redwoods and the Pacific Ocean with her spouse, two kids and three cats.

* * *

A mother and child living at CASA Transitional Housing make a valentine at the CASA Youth Center. The Junior League of St. Petersburg members volunteered in February to help CASA's older children create cards for their mothers on Valentine's Day. Samples of the cards produced are below.

* * *


FREEDOM
by Carol Jurmaine, a recent CASA shelter resident

This morning as I was going to work in the rain …with an umbrella…everyone around me was complaining about the gloomy skies, I felt happy and at peace.  I realized that each day, I seem to be a little less “afraid”; that each day I am happy to be alive and grateful that my life is now my own, to do with as I choose. 

For the first time in many, many years, I am looking forward to next week-end.  There is a particular event occurring that week-end that I plan to attend, one of the many things that I used to do and enjoy “in the old days.”  I had wanted to share that upcoming event with another woman in the house but that woman is no longer here.  So I will either take someone else or attend by myself but I will attend.  And relish in the fact that I did not have to ask permission …or have to be back at a particular time.  Yes, there will be people that will know where I am and what I am doing but there is a BIG difference in telling someone where you are going and what you are doing (that is part of being safe…having friends know where you are going and when you plan to return) and having to ask permission to go.  Just thinking and talking about attending this event has given me such a feeling of freedom. 

Attending this event is going to be a real big step for me and there is a tiny part of me that is afraid.  I will be out “in public” and it’s not that I am afraid to be out “in public” but rather that I am still dealing with the fear of my abuser finding me.  A little fear is good, makes me aware and keeps me on my toes…but I will not let it rule my life.  This event takes place during the day as well as into the evening.  If I attend alone, I will not put myself in “danger” by remaining at the event until closing (probably 10 PM or later) and then having to walk home alone.  That is unsafe behavior even in the best of circumstances.  So, whether I go alone or with someone will dictate what time I decide to leave the event, nothing else.

There are so many wonderful things going on in my life right now.  They may seen very ordinary to most people but to me, they are milestones and each one of them is a sign (if only to me) of freedom, of independence, of sanity, of a new beginning; a rebirth, if you will.   There is a whole world out there, waiting just for me and someday, I truly believe that I will be able to say “Here I am world!  Maybe a little bruised with a few scars, but you cannot beat me down.”  That day is coming…just you wait and see!!

* * *

If you would like someone to speak to your group and raise awareness of what can be done to protect people from domestic abuse, please call or e-mail Tuesdi Dyer, Development Director, at (727) 895-4912 x 114, tdyer@casa-stpete.org.


If you would like to help survivors of domestic violence directly, please contact Danielle Schaffer , Volunteer Coordinator, at (727) 895-4912 x 107 or e-mail dschaffer@casa-stpete.org.

Please share your thoughts and ideas for our E-News by emailing
info@casa-stpete.org
We encourage you to forward this newsletter to your family, friends, and colleagues.