CASA - It takes a whole community to stop domestic violence.

At CASA, we call anyone who lives through the day in a home where there is violence a “survivor.” It takes tremendous courage to live another day. It takes heroic courage to reach out and ask for help. We cannot fail to respond.

What is Domestic Violence?
What are the Warning Signs?
How Does the Abuser Maintain Control Over the Victim?
How Does Domestic Violence Affect Children?

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used to establish power and control over an intimate partner often leading to the threat or use of violence. Abuse is any controlling, hurtful act, word, or gesture that injures another's body or emotions. Domestic violence is not a disagreement, a marital spat, or an anger management problem.

Domestic abuse takes many forms. Following are examples of abusive behaviors. If you suspect abuse but do not witness one of these behaviors, do not discount it; call CASA at 727-895-4912.

Verbal Abuse
Does your partner say things that shame, ridicule, or insult you:

You’re stupid, fat, ugly, etc.
You can’t do anything right.
You’ll never get a job.
You’re an unfit parent.
You don’t deserve anything.
Who would want you?

Emotional/Psychological/Mental Abuse
Does your partner do any of the following:

Accuse you of having affairs
Keep you from family and friends
Confuse you with promises and lies
Take your keys or damage your car
Take or destroy important papers

Does your partner alarm you or make you feel uncomfortable by mistreating your pet:

Not allow pet to receive care and food
Intentionally hit, kick or throw pet
Injure pet as a threat to you or your children

Financial Abuse
Does your partner control your ability to access money:

Forbid you to work
Forbid you to have money unless it is for a specific purchase, requiring detailed documentation after the purchase
Require that you give up your paycheck

Sexual Abuse
Does your partner do the following:

Force you to have sex
Force you into unwanted sexual practices
Criticize your sexual performance
Force you to have sex with others
Withhold sex and affection as a tool to manipulate your behavior

Physical Abuse
Does your partner do any of the following:

Hit, slap, shove, strangle, kick you or your children
Threaten or hurt you with a weapon
Throw objects at you

What are the Warning Signs?

Jealousy -In the beginning of a relationship, jealousy may seem like an expression of love or concern. As time passes, however, jealousy turns to entitlement and possession. This can include falsely accusing you of having sex with others. Jealous behavior begins to isolate the victim, who may stop seeing friends, family, and spiritual advisors in order to please the jealous partner.

Use of Violence - Abusers may have a history of using force or violence to solve problems. They may display a quick temper, overreact to little problems and frustrations of everyday life, throw objects, punch walls, be cruel to animals, and have a criminal record for violence.

Substance Abuse - There is a strong link between violence and abuse of alcohol and other drugs, but these are separate issues and need to be dealt with separately. The domestic abuser uses substance abuse to excuse offensive and hurtful behavior. The substance abuse does not cause, or excuse the abusive behavior.

Rigid Gender Roles - With this there is a sense of entitlement to be "in charge" in the relationship. The abuser strongly subscribes to rigid, stereotypical gender roles. Tradition, culture and religion are used to justify abuse.

Weapons - Availability of weapons, or threatening to use them, increases the risk of homicide and/or suicide. Note: The abuser may attempt to disguise a threat to use a weapon, for example, “cleaning” a weapon during an argument.

Family History - Children who grow up in abusive families may believe that violence is normal behavior.

How Does the Abuser Maintain Control Over the Victim?

Domestic abuse affects people of all cultures, religions, ages, sexual orientations, educational backgrounds, and income levels. Victims are frequently blamed by friends, family, and coworkers, as well as by their abusers.

“Why does she stay?” is a common question. By blaming the survivor we take the focus from the abuser, whose behavior go unchecked. In fact, the community becomes an accomplice to the abuser, completing the isolation and fear experienced by the survivor.

Following is a partial list of factors that affect survivors making the decision to leave:

Fear – The survivor realistically fears that the abuser will become more violent and maybe even become lethal if an attempt is made to leave. One of the most dangerous times for a survivor is when the decision has been made to leave the relationship. The abuser perceives a loss of power and control and lethality increases.
Isolation – Because both the abusers and survivors may have limited contact with the outside world, survivors may not be aware of community resources like CASA that will support them as they prepare to leave.
Finances – Reduced financial circumstances, the desire to provide for children, credit responsibilities, housing and transportation needs place a heavy financial burden on survivors. The abuser may have restricted educational and employment opportunities, leaving the survivor less employment options.
Cultural, Social, and Spiritual Values – Family, cultural, and religious values may have a strong influence over a victim. If divorce is shameful to the family, if clergy does not support the survivor’s safety plan, or if the survivor’s cultural community is disapproving, the survivor’s decision to leave is much more difficult and requires tremendous courage.
Love – Abusive relationships are not violent all the time. Along with the abuse there is a mix of good times, love, and hope. There are fond memories, emotional ties, and commitments. Survivors may not want the relationship to end, just the abuse.

How Does Domestic Violence Affect Children?

Children are the silent victims of domestic violence. Their voices may not be heard and their pain often goes unnoticed. Every child from a violent home is abused. Witnessing the two most important people in their life hurting and being hurt damages the core of the child's emotional being. The following is a partial list of the ramifications and consequences for children living with and witnessing domestic abuse:

Pre-Natal